Who do I want to be when I grow up...

You know when you go into an interview and there’s always that one question you dread because you never know the answer, so you just make something up? Well for me, that question was “where do you see yourself in five years” or “where do you see yourself in ten years”. Inevitably the question of “what are your goals” always comes up, whether one is talking to a friend or a potential employer. For years and years I never knew how to answer that question. Goals? What goals? I didn’t have any. Sure, I wanted to see myself in a position where I didn’t have to struggle to pay the bills and of course I wanted to be happy. But are those really goals? How do you plan to get to that place? I never had an answer. Maybe I was never motivated. Maybe I just didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m not one of those “I love to go to school” kinds of people. Making it to class always interfered with my social life and I would find myself making up excuses not to go, so it was no surprise when I stopped going to the Junior College. I told myself I was “taking a break”, well ten years later, I’m still “on a break”. It took me the better part of 30 years to figure out what and who I want to be when I grow up. Now, on the brink of 32, I finally know what I want to do with my life.

Let me start from the beginning…I learned at a very early age how easy it was to be lazy! I was always lazy; whether it was cleaning my room, doing the dishes, or getting out and going for a bike ride or a hike. I never wanted to do any of it. I was perfectly content sitting on the sofa in front of the TV eating a bag of chips and watching my favorite show. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s something to be said for all of that, but it shouldn’t be a way of life. When I was young my family would take annual camping trips up to Tahoe or Cliff Lake. Since most of my family are the active types there was always someone who instigated a hiking trip and I, being the lazy thing I was, never wanted to go. This was a pattern for me. I never wanted to do anything active. In school I was terrible at sports, running, or anything PE oriented. I was always the last chosen for the team and always the last one in from a run. It was humiliating and it did nothing to increase my desire to do well. It only made things worse. So, being sedentary and eating foods that were less than nutritious you can imagine what that did for my body. To make matters worse, when I was old enough to drink, I started to party and I drank a lot! Booze and junk food and no exercise...? Yeah I was fat! I kept telling myself I was comfortable with who I was, I didn’t mind being heavy, people liked me anyway, etc, etc. But the truth of the matter is…I was miserable. I hated the way I looked and I was extremely self-conscious…I put on a good front but I really had no confidence in myself. I was lazy, unmotivated, had no goals and was completely miserable.

By the time I turned 25 I had quit partying but I had still not done anything to help my body become a place my soul wanted to live. I was almost a size 20! And I stayed that way for three more years. What changed? I can tell you the exact moment that changed my life. I don’t remember the date but it was the summer of my 28th year. I was standing in the bathroom, about to step into the shower when I looked in the mirror. And for the first time in all those years I took a good hard look at myself and what I’d let myself become. I remember saying out loud “Oh my God, I’m disgusting. I have to do something about this.”… and that was my moment. From that point on, I started to change things. I started out slowly, I didn’t really change my eating habits, but I did start exercising. I started out exercising at home, then I graduated to going to the gym. Going to a gym was a big step for me. It meant that I had to cram my big body into work out gear and go sweat in public! Where people could see me! It was terrifying at first, but thankfully I had a very good friend who went with me and she was very supportive. She and I went to the gym together for about a year. During that year I was able to come down from an almost 20 to a 16…but then I got stuck and I couldn’t lose anymore. In November of 2008 I received a flier in my gym bill. A certified personal trainer was holding a women’s workout seminar at the gym. I immediately picked up the phone and put my name on the list. And that was where my true journey began.

In February of 2009 I started taking a No Nonsense Fitness class through the city Parks & Recs…it was affordable, I was already getting up early for the gym, so the hours were perfect and it was FUN! The instructor for that class was also the trainer who’d given the seminar at the gym. She was the one who turned me onto the class and since I met her, I have been taking this fitness class, going to the gym faithfully, and I’ve had many personal one on one training sessions with her. Now, after all of those years of doing nothing, I’ve discovered that I actually enjoy working out! I love bike riding, swimming, hiking, back packing, and yes, I even enjoy running. I think the biggest difference in my attitude stemmed from the fact that Kristin (my trainer) actually talked with me, she explained things to me and I’ve learned so much from her. I bet you didn’t know that most people can’t just go outside and run a mile in 6 minutes. If you’re like me, you need to train your body to run. Running (or jogging) is just like anything else. You didn’t know how to do math right from the start did you? Chances are you had to learn how to do it. You had to train your brain, well, running is much the same; you have to train your body. It doesn’t know that it’s supposed to be able to run a mile without stopping. It’s amazing what your body can do when you give it the right tools! I’m still working on my body. There are still many miles to go on my journey, but I’m down to a size 12 and with each day that passes my body continues to slim down. I’m much better about the foods that I choose to put into my body and I’m faithful about making sure I get the proper amount of exercise…but since I think it’s fun…that part is easy!

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Well, I want to be a Certified Personal Trainer! Yep that’s right the girl who didn’t like to exercise wants to be a trainer! But I don’t want to be just any trainer. I want to specialize in helping people who are like me. I want to help those who’ve struggled with their weight for so many years. I want them to know there are people out there who have gone through the same things they have, people who know exactly how they’re feeling. Let’s face it, if you’ve never had to worry about your weight, you have no idea what it feels like to have to struggle with it. I want to be the person these people come to for help in achieving their goals. I want to watch as their lives begin to change. It’s amazing how things change when you feel good. When your body feels good, your soul feels good. When you’re standing at the elevator and you can say “hey, let’s take the stairs!” … then you know you’re on the right path. I want to be a part of that.

Dillholes.

The level to which I hate those who fall into this category is indescribable. I try not to use the word 'hate' to often as it is a very strong, powerful word. But to those characters of the dillhole variety I hold strong and true to the word.

You may be wondering what prompted this little rant and I shall tell you: On Thursday, January 14, 2010 my dear, sweet and wonderful Uncle was involved in a nasty accident; motorcycle vs car. My Uncle was the one driving the motorcycle. Details of how the incident played out have yet to be seen and, likely, may never be known in their entirety. The accident occurred on a residential street in Napa. The two vehicles collided at speed which is yet to be determined. The driver of the car, sustained minimal injuries and was taken to QVH complaining of "pain". My Uncle, on the other hand was not so lucky. He sustained very serious injuries and was transported by helicopter to Santa Rosa Memorial Trauma Unit. His injuries consisted of a hip joint that had to be replaced, a broken leg, a broken scapula, four broken ribs, a punctured lung, a fractured wrist, a laceration on the head and several other breaks and fractures the family was informed would take multiple surgeries to repair. He is also battling an infection due to the punctured lung. He will be in the hospital for weeks, if not months and it will take him MONTHS to recover and we don't know to what extent he'll recover, he may end up walking with a limp or he may walk with no problem, I won't even voice the worst concern, but we will have to wait and see. He is still being kept heavily sedated. Were he not,he would be enduring unspeakable pain. The family is trying to keep it together as best as possible. My Grandparents and his wife Bonnie stay with him, daily. A tragic accident that has effected so many people.

The reason for this post is to blow off some steam. The Napa Valley Register posted the article about the accident on their website. Which is, I'm sure we'll agree, most convenient, however, they also allow the general public to make comments on these articles. And it is these comments to which I refer when I say dillholes!
One would think that when such an accident occurs, people would be sympathetic to all the parties involved. Yet, so many of these people feel the need to talk about how bad these people are. What bad drivers they are or worse yet, fabricate stories about who they are or what they were doing or what the "real" cause of the accident was. And to these people I say, you make me ill. You make me physically ill and you make me want to hunt you down and beat the ever loving crap out of you. How could you be so cruel, how could you be so disrespectful, so ignorant and so awful? I don't understand how people can just pull details out of their proverbial ass and call it fact. How do you sleep at night? How could you publicly defame the character of my Uncle, someone you don't even know? Who do you think you are? And finally, to the nephew of the other driver, who felt the need to spout complete garbage about MY Uncle...your ignorance is astounding and I pity you.

To all my wonderful friends, thank you all so very much for your prayers. They mean so much and Uncle Gary can use all the prayers he can get.

To my family, I love you all, dearly, we will get through this. Uncle Gary is a fighter and he will pull through.

To all you dillholes out there, shut your pie holes...Nobody cares about your opinion, because well, your idiocy is annoying and we don't like you...so suck it you blow hards!