Who do I want to be when I grow up...

You know when you go into an interview and there’s always that one question you dread because you never know the answer, so you just make something up? Well for me, that question was “where do you see yourself in five years” or “where do you see yourself in ten years”. Inevitably the question of “what are your goals” always comes up, whether one is talking to a friend or a potential employer. For years and years I never knew how to answer that question. Goals? What goals? I didn’t have any. Sure, I wanted to see myself in a position where I didn’t have to struggle to pay the bills and of course I wanted to be happy. But are those really goals? How do you plan to get to that place? I never had an answer. Maybe I was never motivated. Maybe I just didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m not one of those “I love to go to school” kinds of people. Making it to class always interfered with my social life and I would find myself making up excuses not to go, so it was no surprise when I stopped going to the Junior College. I told myself I was “taking a break”, well ten years later, I’m still “on a break”. It took me the better part of 30 years to figure out what and who I want to be when I grow up. Now, on the brink of 32, I finally know what I want to do with my life.

Let me start from the beginning…I learned at a very early age how easy it was to be lazy! I was always lazy; whether it was cleaning my room, doing the dishes, or getting out and going for a bike ride or a hike. I never wanted to do any of it. I was perfectly content sitting on the sofa in front of the TV eating a bag of chips and watching my favorite show. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s something to be said for all of that, but it shouldn’t be a way of life. When I was young my family would take annual camping trips up to Tahoe or Cliff Lake. Since most of my family are the active types there was always someone who instigated a hiking trip and I, being the lazy thing I was, never wanted to go. This was a pattern for me. I never wanted to do anything active. In school I was terrible at sports, running, or anything PE oriented. I was always the last chosen for the team and always the last one in from a run. It was humiliating and it did nothing to increase my desire to do well. It only made things worse. So, being sedentary and eating foods that were less than nutritious you can imagine what that did for my body. To make matters worse, when I was old enough to drink, I started to party and I drank a lot! Booze and junk food and no exercise...? Yeah I was fat! I kept telling myself I was comfortable with who I was, I didn’t mind being heavy, people liked me anyway, etc, etc. But the truth of the matter is…I was miserable. I hated the way I looked and I was extremely self-conscious…I put on a good front but I really had no confidence in myself. I was lazy, unmotivated, had no goals and was completely miserable.

By the time I turned 25 I had quit partying but I had still not done anything to help my body become a place my soul wanted to live. I was almost a size 20! And I stayed that way for three more years. What changed? I can tell you the exact moment that changed my life. I don’t remember the date but it was the summer of my 28th year. I was standing in the bathroom, about to step into the shower when I looked in the mirror. And for the first time in all those years I took a good hard look at myself and what I’d let myself become. I remember saying out loud “Oh my God, I’m disgusting. I have to do something about this.”… and that was my moment. From that point on, I started to change things. I started out slowly, I didn’t really change my eating habits, but I did start exercising. I started out exercising at home, then I graduated to going to the gym. Going to a gym was a big step for me. It meant that I had to cram my big body into work out gear and go sweat in public! Where people could see me! It was terrifying at first, but thankfully I had a very good friend who went with me and she was very supportive. She and I went to the gym together for about a year. During that year I was able to come down from an almost 20 to a 16…but then I got stuck and I couldn’t lose anymore. In November of 2008 I received a flier in my gym bill. A certified personal trainer was holding a women’s workout seminar at the gym. I immediately picked up the phone and put my name on the list. And that was where my true journey began.

In February of 2009 I started taking a No Nonsense Fitness class through the city Parks & Recs…it was affordable, I was already getting up early for the gym, so the hours were perfect and it was FUN! The instructor for that class was also the trainer who’d given the seminar at the gym. She was the one who turned me onto the class and since I met her, I have been taking this fitness class, going to the gym faithfully, and I’ve had many personal one on one training sessions with her. Now, after all of those years of doing nothing, I’ve discovered that I actually enjoy working out! I love bike riding, swimming, hiking, back packing, and yes, I even enjoy running. I think the biggest difference in my attitude stemmed from the fact that Kristin (my trainer) actually talked with me, she explained things to me and I’ve learned so much from her. I bet you didn’t know that most people can’t just go outside and run a mile in 6 minutes. If you’re like me, you need to train your body to run. Running (or jogging) is just like anything else. You didn’t know how to do math right from the start did you? Chances are you had to learn how to do it. You had to train your brain, well, running is much the same; you have to train your body. It doesn’t know that it’s supposed to be able to run a mile without stopping. It’s amazing what your body can do when you give it the right tools! I’m still working on my body. There are still many miles to go on my journey, but I’m down to a size 12 and with each day that passes my body continues to slim down. I’m much better about the foods that I choose to put into my body and I’m faithful about making sure I get the proper amount of exercise…but since I think it’s fun…that part is easy!

So, what do I want to be when I grow up? Well, I want to be a Certified Personal Trainer! Yep that’s right the girl who didn’t like to exercise wants to be a trainer! But I don’t want to be just any trainer. I want to specialize in helping people who are like me. I want to help those who’ve struggled with their weight for so many years. I want them to know there are people out there who have gone through the same things they have, people who know exactly how they’re feeling. Let’s face it, if you’ve never had to worry about your weight, you have no idea what it feels like to have to struggle with it. I want to be the person these people come to for help in achieving their goals. I want to watch as their lives begin to change. It’s amazing how things change when you feel good. When your body feels good, your soul feels good. When you’re standing at the elevator and you can say “hey, let’s take the stairs!” … then you know you’re on the right path. I want to be a part of that.